Welcome to Paradise
by Lady Tanarion
Summary: Things come to a boil once the three adventurers escape. Just who is jealous of who, here? And the armadillo invents popcorn.


Rating: pg-13

Summary: Things come to a boil once the three adventurers escape. Just who is jealous of who, here? And the armadillo invents popcorn.

Warnings: Chel/Tulio, Miguel/Tulio, and Tulio/Miguel/Chel implied.

Disclaimer: Time-share is always a possibility, but sadly, they refused.

Author's Note: This has to be one of the oddest things I've ver written. I mean, fanfiction for books I got, but for a cartoon? (anime doesn't count, btw) Highly odd. But RtED was such an enjoyable movie (and the Miguel/Tulio subtext so amusing) I couldn't help myself.

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Welcome to Paradise

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"I've had just about enough of the two of you," Chel said, looking at the two men with her hands on her hips and an eyebrow raised just so. You know, the eyebrow that doesn't speak volumes-- it speaks _bookshelves_. "Yes, we escaped with our lives, blah-diddy-blah, that's great and all but the atmosphere is getting so sulky I can't breath."

Both Tulio and Miguel stared at her without comprehension, Altivo didn't look surprised (but then again, horses never do), and the armadillo just glanced up from where it was gnawing on a butterfly.

"_You_," she said, pointing to Tulio, who jumped and looked at her with wide eyes. "He saved our lives; Miguel _jumped in after us_, even after that hissy fit the two of you threw-- Gods know why, and I sure don't-- but the least you could do it thank him." She tossed her long black hair over her shoulder with a huff. "I mean, I know he's jealous that I took you from him," here Chel rolled her eyes, "and that's perfectly understandable, but there's some serious tension here that I can't stand."

"Now wait just a minute!" Miguel protested belatedly, getting to his feet. "I'm not jealous! Not-- especially not of _you_."

"Could'a fooled me."

The blonde growled. "For your information I wanted you _first_, but 'Mr. Machismo' over there told me to focus on the job."

"I hardly think-- he _what_?"

"Told me to listen to the little voice I should have in my head-- and the next thing he does is take you himself, breaking every promise we ever made as friends."

Chel's expression was more than a little bit shocked. "What kind of a friend does that?" Miguel's response was a shrug and they both turned to glare daggers at Tulio, who at least had the decency to flush and look away.

The armadillo chattered a question at Altivo and he responded with the equine version of a shrug. Other humans didn't even understand each other, let alone a horse and an armadillo.

"Little voice in your head?" she questioned.

He nodded. "Crazy, isn't it?"

"Completely." This time the look they gave him was pitying, and that was really a bit much. Tulio slouched in his seat on a fallen tree, scowling. Yes, he'd made a bit of a mistake but it wasn't really his fault, what with Chel practically throwing herself on him so irresistibly. Name a man who could resist those hips!

Miguel snorted and Tulio realized he'd spoken the last part aloud. "Well, _I_ managed to resist her when you told me to."

"Ah, but that's because I think you'd rather grabbing hold of _his_," Chel said archly.

"I thought we were past that!"

"No, we found out why there was a hissy fit, but there was never proof you weren't jealous of me."

"To any sane person the evidence would suggest me being jealous of _him_!"

Tulio started to wonder if he was even part of the conversation any more. But then again, had he ever been? Miguel and Chel seemed to be doing just fine without him.

She scoffed. "There's no reason to be jealous of him."

"Oh?"

"Do I have to flip my skirt up for you to get a clue?" Miguel gaped, finally taking the hint. "I'm sure Tulio will be willing to share; he owes you after all."

"Wait-- _what_?" Tulio sputtered. "Don't I get a say in this?"

"Hardly, 'Mr. Machismo," Chel snickered and sauntered over to sit on his lap. Miguel repeated her movement, but with less swaying of the hips, to sit on the log beside them both. Tulio's breath hitched at the close proximity of the two of them and they smiled identical smug smiles.

"Not jealous of me at all, right?"

"...Maybe a little."

"Would this be a good time to say I don't mind sharing him either?"

"_Perhaps_ if the two of you would stop talking as if I'm some sort of possession... We could move to the hot springs over there."

The armadillo chattered again to Altivo, and was sternly told to leave the humans their privacy. Besides, popcorn hadn't been invented yet.

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